Author: Mother

Moving Relationships

A wise person once said that the surest way to change another, was by changing oneself.  That truth was wonderfully demonstrated last weekend (hence no blog!), when my mother-in-law came to stay.  Twenty plus years of tension was instantly dissipated as empathy and encouragement re-focussed our flagging spirits, prompted us into relaxation and lovingly repeated – over and again – that “Rome was not built in a day”.

Moving over two hundred miles away from the capital has changed me.  Certainties such as “my jeweller”, “my greengrocer” and “my butcher” (not to mention “my favourite restaurant”, “my park” and “my MP”), have been replaced by culture shock, timidity and further eccentricity.  My mother-in-law, having conquered the self-same dilemmas many times, has emerged as the most delightful kindred spirit.

So, remember it is never too late to be blessed – or a blessing – in a relationship.  Keep waiting and watching for your opportunity.

Symbols of Slavery

In this place, it seems that the incidence of couples deciding that marriage is not a natural destination for serious, committed relationships is particularly high.  I have heard repeated, several times, the explanation that the preceding generation was blighted by an epidemic of divorce which has rendered their offspring marriage-averse.  The same tale springs as easily from the lips of 20-somethings as from 40-somethings.  Thirty plus years of broken marriages used as an explanation for the anaphylactic response induced by the very word, “wedding”.  It’s all quite extraordinary.  Add to that the current craze for tattooing and piercing oneself – particularly the task of creating large holes in one’s earlobes – and it becomes obvious that a history lesson is long overdue.    

Ignorance is never attractive.  Participating in specific behaviour is entirely a matter for oneself only IF one is fully informed of the symbolism, the underlying message and the potential consequences.  (Consider the origin and meaning of the trousers on the hips, underwear on display epidemic which still appears to be sweeping the nation, and you cannot fail to understand the point!)  So, here begins the lesson.

Merely scratch the surface of colonial history and one discovers that slaves were forbidden to marry.  Marriage was a ritual and rite of passage reserved for slave owners, the aristocracy, the wealthy and the free.  Slaves were objects with fewer entitlements than many animals and were used, amongst other things, as breeding stock.  They were not encouraged to form or maintain emotional or familial attachments.  Neither were they deemed capable of the morality or intelligence of the ruling classes.  It was entirely common for a slave to be marked by his or her owner – for the purpose of identification, should the slave be stolen or have the temerity to attempt to escape.  It was also normal for slaves to have large holes in their earlobes, by which they could be tethered at slave auctions and for punishment.  Indeed, there is plenty of evidence of slaves also being forced to wear leather or metal collars with a lead, identical to a hound.  Don’t just take my word for it – take the time to do some basic research of your own.  For many people, the right not to be physically marked, the right not to have huge holes driven through one’s ears and the right to marry – like the right to vote – was a hard fought, hard won battle. 

The symbols of bondage and freedom are diametrically opposed, still both are yours.  Today, look at yourself and choose. 

 

Back To The House Renovation!

I hope that your week has been a peaceful and successful one. 

Here, almost all the stained glass windows have been re-leaded and cleaned.  Our specialist, Paul Bradbury, is very talented and I wholeheartedly recommend him to you.  The final window – on the second floor half landing – is dark and a completely different style from all the other stained glass in the house.  At Paul’s suggestion, we are removing the panes and using them as display items.  In their stead, we will have a commissioned piece.

Allowing the house to relate its history has been a driving force of this project.  Whilst we have no intention of replacing or reinventing lost features, integrity demands that we preserve as much as possible and sympathetically include further beautiful and useful additions.  Including a new window, which fills the top floor with light and elegance, helps with that aspiration.

The week witnessed the flooding of the kitchen, as a lead pipe broke (whilst being replaced) in the bathroom above.  Disasters frequently present themselves as a conclusion to the “school run”; approaching the house at 9am-ish and 3.30pm-ish, usually leaves me pondering which part of the fabric of the building – and/or which builder – will be in a less desirous state than when I left!    “To be fair” (a local colloquialism), almost all disasters are due to the parlous state in which the house was maintained for a large part of the last 42 years.  Slowly, but surely, the neglect is giving way to a phoenix-like transformation.

By being completely oneself, we give permission to others to be entirely who they were created to be, rather than the façade which the world forces upon them.  My final struggle, during the last 7 days, relates to this belief and the subject of flooring.  Having been guided by my guardian angel builder for 8 weeks, it was time for me to assert my preferences, tastes and opinions.  I can’t afford Amtico for the bathrooms and the Karndean, I liked, blew the budget at a whopping £40 per square metre – minus the trim, contrasting edging and fitting.  Add to that, the limited range and it was back to faithful lino or vinyl. 

Well, well, well, hasn’t vinyl changed?  The vinyls, I chose, came in a range of fabulous colours (with embedded glitter for candlelit pazazz) and were not masquerading as stone, wood or anything else!  They have 15 year guarantees, so who could ask for more?  How many people would be averse to changing a floor every 15 years, especially when the expected lifespan of even a “top-of-the-range” cooker is less than that? 

So, as I return to the “patchworking” of the cloakroom walls – a notion adopted from Jocasta Innes – remember, assert yourself; restored stained glass is gorgeous and vinyl is NOT the second-rate option.