I anticipate, with pleasure, the receipt of “round robin” letters at Christmas. Reading reviews of how friends and families have found the year can be enlightening, entertaining and enjoyable. It can also be something of an endurance test.
There is an unwritten code of conduct to which all letter writers should adhere. It distinguishes those who give life, from those who drain it; it separates individuals who brighten one’s day and bring hope, from those who inflict their self-obsessed negativity and insidious poison on any and all. It is simply how the task should be done.
So, dear reader, for the benefit of those of us who never, ever again wish to be inundated with a stream of consciousness from the tiresome (God loves you; He’ll listen), here is “Mother’s Code of Conduct for Christmas Letter Writing”. Disobey it at your peril.
* Do write cheerfully and positively.
* Do bear in mind that the minutiae of your life, whilst absorbing to you, should only be included in letters if it is entertaining.
* Do appreciate that boasting by e-mail, or snail mail, is as deeply unattractive as when it is done in person.
* Do remember your audience; you are writing for them and not for yourself. So, guillotine the self indulgence.
* Do include updates and expect recipients to remember them. So, do more than change the date in the following year’s epistle!
* Do remind yourself that the previous point also applies to photographs; images of you circa 1973 are not going to fool any one.
* Do be courteous and generous; airing your dirty laundry, irrational prejudices and/or smutty “humour” in public is not big and it isn’t clever.
* Do proof-read your missive prior to sending it; the odd mistake is acceptable, whilst a litany of them displays an unattractive air of carelessness and/or complacency.
* Do live well during the year, so that you have new, exciting and interesting snippets to share.
* Do pen your contribution in a manner which would please your mother or a virtuous maiden aunt.
* Do write; remember, “sharing is caring”.
* Do bless your friends and family with love, sincerity, honesty, wisdom and peace.
Happy Christmas Letter Writing!
