Guardian Angels & Builders’ Bills

Being propelled into a new and strange area – many miles from friends and family – leaves one vulnerable, unsure and timid.  The appearance of A.N. Other, who is confident in the surroundings and knowledgeable of the basic customs, culture and practices of daily life, instantly brightens the situation.  When one has indulged in years of home improvement shows, purchased a property with encyclopaedic refurbishment needs, has a budget of 50p and encounters A.N. Other whose additional piece de resistance is that he’s a builder…  Are you with me?

My builder’s standard line of, “Don’t worry, we’ll sort it out.  I’ll look after you,” is a particularly potent one.  Combine that with the link that we share a birthday, he has treated my two youngest sons as apprentices and I’m battling terminal loneliness, agoraphobia and paralysing depression, and A.N. Other transmutes into guardian angel; or so I thought.

The appearance, on Thursday, of a final bill 2-3 times more than expected, with no receipts or explanation has changed everything – or has it?  On Monday evening, we look forward to discovering, from the man himself, how he has arrived at his total.  When I know, I’ll let you know.  But remember, “Don’t worry, we’ll sort it out…”!

Moving Relationships

A wise person once said that the surest way to change another, was by changing oneself.  That truth was wonderfully demonstrated last weekend (hence no blog!), when my mother-in-law came to stay.  Twenty plus years of tension was instantly dissipated as empathy and encouragement re-focussed our flagging spirits, prompted us into relaxation and lovingly repeated – over and again – that “Rome was not built in a day”.

Moving over two hundred miles away from the capital has changed me.  Certainties such as “my jeweller”, “my greengrocer” and “my butcher” (not to mention “my favourite restaurant”, “my park” and “my MP”), have been replaced by culture shock, timidity and further eccentricity.  My mother-in-law, having conquered the self-same dilemmas many times, has emerged as the most delightful kindred spirit.

So, remember it is never too late to be blessed – or a blessing – in a relationship.  Keep waiting and watching for your opportunity.

Symbols of Slavery

In this place, it seems that the incidence of couples deciding that marriage is not a natural destination for serious, committed relationships is particularly high.  I have heard repeated, several times, the explanation that the preceding generation was blighted by an epidemic of divorce which has rendered their offspring marriage-averse.  The same tale springs as easily from the lips of 20-somethings as from 40-somethings.  Thirty plus years of broken marriages used as an explanation for the anaphylactic response induced by the very word, “wedding”.  It’s all quite extraordinary.  Add to that the current craze for tattooing and piercing oneself – particularly the task of creating large holes in one’s earlobes – and it becomes obvious that a history lesson is long overdue.    

Ignorance is never attractive.  Participating in specific behaviour is entirely a matter for oneself only IF one is fully informed of the symbolism, the underlying message and the potential consequences.  (Consider the origin and meaning of the trousers on the hips, underwear on display epidemic which still appears to be sweeping the nation, and you cannot fail to understand the point!)  So, here begins the lesson.

Merely scratch the surface of colonial history and one discovers that slaves were forbidden to marry.  Marriage was a ritual and rite of passage reserved for slave owners, the aristocracy, the wealthy and the free.  Slaves were objects with fewer entitlements than many animals and were used, amongst other things, as breeding stock.  They were not encouraged to form or maintain emotional or familial attachments.  Neither were they deemed capable of the morality or intelligence of the ruling classes.  It was entirely common for a slave to be marked by his or her owner – for the purpose of identification, should the slave be stolen or have the temerity to attempt to escape.  It was also normal for slaves to have large holes in their earlobes, by which they could be tethered at slave auctions and for punishment.  Indeed, there is plenty of evidence of slaves also being forced to wear leather or metal collars with a lead, identical to a hound.  Don’t just take my word for it – take the time to do some basic research of your own.  For many people, the right not to be physically marked, the right not to have huge holes driven through one’s ears and the right to marry – like the right to vote – was a hard fought, hard won battle. 

The symbols of bondage and freedom are diametrically opposed, still both are yours.  Today, look at yourself and choose.